The Asymptotic Faery - The Writings of Allyson N. Jason

The Writings of Allyson N. Jason: Short stories, articles, opinions, creative scenes and random absurdity.

Gone Too Soon

Posted by Allyson N. Jason on Jun-26-2009

Current Mood:Sad emoticon Sad

Michael Jackson was brilliant, insanely talented and he left an indelible, inimitable, phenomenal, revolutionary and surreal mark on the face of entertainment and music…forever. No matter what you feel or interpret about the personal life he led, this is inarguable.

It’s so easy to call him a freak, a nut bar, a lunatic, a black sellout, a child molester (without any conclusive and solid facts in cases that were actually shown to involve some families who lied and extorted) a crazed individual, but none of us led his extremely surreal and abnormal lifestyle since he was a wee child. Also put into motion that he was -obviously- a very ultra sensitive individual who never got treatment for any of the traumatizing things he faced growing up and that he continued to face ALL in the public spotlight. He essentially lived almost all of his life in the public eye. He was affected by things most people probably easily get over…take for granted and don’t even/ever experience at all.

I’d like to see how many would be so stable and well put together in such a context of nature and circumstances.

He magically transformed on stage to ALL regardless of what one preferred musically…showing confidence and a powerful presence especially during the zenith of his career, but once he was offstage, he was said to be a completely different person. Shy, soft spoken, withdrawn, reclusive, insecure, obsessed, broken, damaged, removed, lonely and highly misunderstood and unknown to most on a very personal level. This has been said and seen by so many who were around him during his life to varying degrees. It is being said NOW. We could all see how troubled he was and increasingly became we grew up with him through media view. No doubt he became mentally ill creating a complete world or fantasy for himself.

It’s also obvious that he was very isolated and alone emotionally. He mentioned this to Uri Geller, in interviews and to other friends who spoke of him during conversations on television. He really needed help. I think we can all agree with that. He -really- needed help…and that should have been offered to him much earlier on before it became a point of no return. I can’t say how I would have been if I led his life. Even compared to other celebs, he really stood out in the immense fame he carried, regardless of the notorious edge it developed later around the 90s.

He suffered long and hard and although his talent was shared with the world as a result of his entry into entertainment so early on, it essentially cost him the possibility of having a long and healthy life emotionally and mentally.  Was he destined to become famous regardless of what path he took or that was forced upon him, or could he have led another life and turned out much differently as a person? More stable, married and with family, living in normality but recognized at most by close friends and family for his talent?

I truly believe he became asexual. Don’t think he was this way at first. I don’t think he continue to hold a true attraction to anyone on a romantic level and the few dates and relationships he had were experiments and attempts to try to normalize his life but were inevitably doomed from the start. I mean he had the potential to bed a lot of women earlier on in his career if he wanted to but he didn’t (at least of what we know) and we certainly never heard of any attractions to and pursuits of men.

I think he was intensively obsessed with children because the company of children is often untainted and non-judgmental. Children make you forget about all of your troubles, worries and the world at large. It seems he considered children his best allies and inspiration. He was fascinated and personally identified with Peter Pan. He wanted to be a child forever…and looking at his past…one can understand why. I think his emotional growth stopped somewhere earlier on in childhood. He NEVER led any semblance of a normal childhood that most of us lead or would classify as normal. I think he froze in time here and carried this with him into adulthood where it warped his perception of self and identity. Did he molest children as part of this development, feeling mentally that children were even suitable romantic interests along with platonic playmates? I honestly can’t say I am -positively- sure but I just do not believe he went that route and this is not delusion on my part or not wanting to see him as a pedophile. I accept that people can become flawed and do harm…even those we admire from early on for talent…because they are human…

but there is no and never was any hard proof. Plus I believe more in what I said further above.

Being asexual, obsessed with children and wanting to forever be young and childlike oneself, having a fixation with being genderless and raceless…is not something the world will understand, tolerate or accept from a grown black man regardless of what physical abuse he put himself through with OBVIOUS issues of body dysmorphia. He made all of the wrong choices which didn’t help to lessen the suspicions that people had about his affairs with children or of his nature overall. Again, we including myself, don’t really know the -absolute- truth but these are -my- views.

I think the comforting thing now is that he is finally in and at peace. His body and soul were obviously very tired…

Current Track Playing: “Gone Too Song” (Dangerous Album)

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