The Asymptotic Faery - The Writings of Allyson N. Jason

Current Mood: Curious & Introspective & Thoughtful

Do you believe some people are more fortunate than others or do you think people create their own luck? In your opinion, are some people cursed?

I believe yes to both. I believe, regardless of whether we like it or not, some people are more fortunate and in far more advantageous positions than others for whatever reason and based on different perspectives. That doesn’t mean people in those positions will lead a better life or will be happier, but they have some things only others can dream of or that others work very hard for.

I think first we have to define what luck or fortune is. It means something different to everyone and our definition of luck is not always going to be a linear one. It can be a multifaceted definition in itself depending on what we need, want or value at the moment or what our circumstances are in life. Values change or we evolve and suddenly we might not look at certain things, people or situations as desirous or lucky any longer.

Someone’s inability to keep weight on very easily can be some form of misfortune if they become gravely ill and need the extra body reserves suddenly.

Some man or woman’s very long hair might be the death or disfigurement of them, if caught in the wrong circumstances in a hot tub’s drains and jets or some industrial machine in a manufacturing plant.

Although some might argue with this (especially those who grew up very poor and struggling), it might be unfortunate for someone to grow up incredibly rich and be handed everything as as child and as a result, he/she has no clue how to function as an autonomous hard-working and balanced adult. They might develop very destructive coping skills and addictions to handle their inadequacies and insecurities even though it looks like they are living a grand life. They might truly have internal problems that run far deeper than what they appear to be to everyone else observing. But I also see the devil’s advocate from some people, “Boohoo, poor little rich girl or boy! Why don’t they try living my life and past and see how they can take it!” I do know that is how some feel because their experiences are so different and they believe they’ve had it much harder in life…were less fortunate/lucky.

So the crystal continues to have many cuts or faces on it.

And then there’s the idea that everyone that has something or many things we value are living a so-called charmed life. Sometimes people who want others to believe they are living a charmed life hide their problems and dysfunctions. They won’t show people that dark face…that broken side. So you are left to see all the glittery stuff so they can believe themselves that they too live this charmed life. It is true that in some cases like this all that glitters isn’t gold. While someone might have the riches, fame, connection(s), relationship, looks or anything that we want/value, they might have some other very unfortunate things they could be dealing with that none of us peering in can truly see or would ever want. A little different than the example further above about wealth because these demons might not be a result of their supposed luck, but rather another side that people just don’t see or aren’t meant to see by efforts of the “charmed one” him or herself.

I know that -we each- can be looked at as living a charmed life depending on where the observer of each one of us stands. We all have something that someone else values for themselves. I know I take many things for granted. Life can look so dark at times where light is hard to recognize, but I forget that there are others who might look at my life and wish for some elements in it that at the moment, I don’t remember to value.

I always think about that too and it’s a difficult feeling to be at peace with. I’ve been told before, “Do you realize what others are going through elsewhere? Things could be worse. There are people…(insert any horrible tragedy/condition here)”

The reality is, this is very true and it always makes a good point, but then I think, do my feelings of frustration or depression not matter in their own right? Is it not possible that I too, regardless of what others might experience far worse, can feel pain or dissatisfaction?

I seem to want to justify that because if everyone asked that question, we’d all have reasons to be completely happy at any time…always appreciative…always aware that we have many things to value that can give us hope and happiness…as there is always someone worse off than each of us. And again remember the subjectivity in what being worse off or less fortunate is. That would be an endless wonderful pot of thought-wealth to use anytime we needed it wouldn’t it? Instant mood enhancer and the perfect drug.

While someone is agonizing over the riches that someone else has and has always wanted in their own life, another person might look at the sufferer and go, “I just don’t get it! Why do they care so much about material things?? I am perfectly happy with my simple living and I actually feel I have a lot of wealth in the connections I have with loved ones and my experiences. They are making themselves miserable over nothing. Poor soul.”

Someone else won’t get why another person goes to great lengths to torture their mind, body and soul as well as pocketbooks over looking “perfect” because they never felt beautiful enough in life for whatever reason. The observer of this sufferer will think, “OK I might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I am just fine with how I look even though I know I have imperfections. I accept that I won’t please everyone and I will never try to. It’s impossible. I look forward to other things in life and I can appreciate my own unique traits and know that I don’t need the entire world of men or women to find me beautiful.”

Another thing I always find interesting is how we always like to think in black or white terms with people, to make ourselves feel better, although it sometimes DOES apply. Someone can’t be everything…smart, beautiful, rich, successful, perfect relationship, great friends and wonderful career. Something has got to give…if he or she has this, they can’t have that. And some people take comfort in assuming that formula. lol

But although no one is “perfect” some people DO have it better in some regards which goes back to why I think yes some people are just luckier based on what any person’s value system is.

As for “cursed”, I am not sure what I think about that. That opens up a completely different subject all of its own.

Regarding creating luck (remembering some things I’ve read in Outliers which I recommend reading as it deals with the topic of success and luck), I think it is important that we each try to create the fortune we want in life…whatever it is that we value. Some of us will have to work harder or do things differently just to get or establish what someone else has by default.

Also although we each suffer in our own right still look at the connections you have and value them. Not everyone has them. Some people are far more alone, unloved or unwanted.

Look at the situation you are in…some people might be struggling harder financially than you are…no place to live, not sure when they’ll next eat, no clean shelter or medical resources.

Some might have it “better” but if we focus within and keep sight on where we want to go or what we want, as fortune, then we can begin to appreciate ourselves more and where we’re going.

Hmmm…another part of me wonders how we can also ever get out of the comparison game. Is comparing any better when it is to make ourselves feel better no matter how benign the effort appears to be? How is that different than comparing to make ourselves feel worse?

How do we become accepting and at peace without any game of comparison at all…intrinsically? Is that possible? Is this where “ignorance is bliss” truly advantageous? Let’s say we couldn’t find someone worse off than us in a given condition or circumstance, what do you do then to make yourself feel better about where you are and what you have? How do you accept or appreciate without an element of comparison being involved? The comparison factor does come in for everyone on many levels. It’s hard to eradicate no matter how much we say we are blind to the game of it. Any one of us has thrown out a statement about how much better we are compared to someone else for whatever reason.

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Current Mood: Happy

“What do you miss about being a kid?”

I think I miss being so naive to things in a way that caused me to look at the world in pure unadulterated wonder that only a true child could. There are many firsts during childhood that create extremely fragrant memories.

I look at many things still in that child-like wonder, but it is mixed in with some adult sensibilities that are inevitably developed as one ages.

I also miss the lack of adult responsibilities and being with my family the way I was when I was little. I have so many fond memories of going places, seeing and doing things in the stage of childhood. I also remember the world seeming so much bigger and mysterious. Everyone was older than me it seemed. The “future” definitely seemed more like a playground…a big unknown that you gave some acknowledgment to but never worried about…because you had all the time in the world.

Oh the world definitely still seems big and mysterious to me but again when you are a child, it really does make for a unique once-in-a-lifetime perspective. There’s only a short while to be a child. In this day and age, this is a fact that isn’t respected a great deal. Children want to rush into adulthood so quickly and this society encourages that a great deal without realizing the consequences. Children are often pushed into very adult roles and responsibilities earlier on and that is OK to so many.

I’ve managed to carry so many qualities of my inner child with me into adulthood and this really shapes the way I choose to do and approach so many things as an adult. It affects how I create, my artistic style, my aesthetic values, the insatiable and intense level of persistent streak of curiosity in my nature, the desire I have to explore and learn and to experience so many things in my lifetime.

It makes me look at everyday things and subjects in new ways which leads to “aha” moments and tingles of my own brand of enlightenment. It makes me appreciate the simplicity of life.

It makes me come up with my own definitions of normality, of joy and even madness. It makes me develop a world of my own especially during times when I most need that security, comfort and imaginative stimulation.

It makes me want to play and share joy with others.

It makes me want to make the world a better place.

It makes me want to inspire and continuously be inspired.

It keeps me young in spirit.

So while I miss some very distinctive delights of childhood. I look forward to the continuation of celebrating that spirit in adulthood.

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Current Mood: Motivated

I wish there were more places and opportunities for adults to indulge in recess activities that they participated in as children.

I don’t know why we have to abandon these fun things as we become older. As adults, we often feel a need to “get to the gym” when we want physical activities in our lives and some of us will step out of the gym to go for walks once in awhile, but I miss these activities that I often played when younger: I truly do not believe that the activities below have to only be activities for grade school children.

Four Square
Handball
Tetherball
Kickball
Softball
Paddleball (the sport, like Racquetball)
Dodgeball
Hopscotch
Hide-and-Seek
Water Balloon Fights
Tag / Freeze Tag / Hospital
Four Corners
Jump rope  /Chinese Jump Rope (totally remember this!) / Double Dutch
Cake Walk (during special events)
Relay Racing

and much more.

I have to jog my memory for most of the other games I played as a kid.

Kids would come back in after lunch and morning recess very sweaty and tired. These games were an awesome way to work out naturally and it was pure fun. No one thought about “getting exercise” or “burning calories” or anything of the sort. It was just about getting out and enjoying ourselves out on the “blacktop”.

I definitely think this is missing in adulthood. The absence of activities like these limits us to unnatural ways of working out that often feel like monotonous, boring and tiresome obligatory chores. I think if we participated in more natural ways to be active, we’d see a great change in the way we define and fall into being fit as grownups. I certainly still like going to gym once in awhile but I really ache for very organic activities most of the time. It’s just more intuitive and I’d feel much more inspired to get out and do something physical regularly.

I also think that such games always sparked creativity and imagination. Kids would make up rules to some of these traditional childhood games or create new games period. I certainly remember I did.  LOL

For example, I made up my own techniques in handball. One technique was called “buttercup”. The hit would involve “getting” the ball at the right time after the other person hit it against the wall, and bouncing it three times with one hand before hitting it back against the wall for the other person to hit again. You’d score more points this way if the game was being based on a point system. Soon I had many other kids on the playground talking about the buttercup move. LOL It became a standard for some games settings/rules although very few knew I started it. Others created their own rules and hits too.

I would also play hours by myself with tetherball and handball, because these could and would be solitary games too. I loved every minute of this and I certainly miss it.

I think it would be awesome to start an “adult recess” club like this someday where groups of people could join up and play these games in a dedicated areas often.

I certainly feel that as adults we need to continue the glory of recess games and activities.

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Current Mood: Introspective & Motivated & Thoughtful

If you could snap your fingers and make the life of your dreams instantly appear, exactly what would that life look like? While you’re working so diligently to move forward, do you have a clear and detailed definition of where you intend to go?

An essential part of achieving what you desire is to know exactly what it is. Unfortunately, the people and events in your world often discourage and dissuade you from seriously considering your own ideas for what life at its best can be.

If you’re not diligent about exploring and clarifying your own authentic desires, the world will impose its pre-packaged, shallow and empty desires upon your life. This can leave you frustrated, discouraged and unfulfilled as you strive to work toward goals that have no real meaning for you.

On a regular basis, allow your desires to come bubbling to the surface, so you can more fully understand them and connect with them. Enjoy the fact that there are things for which you truly long, and know that there is a path to every one of them.

Let your vision of what life can be pull you consistently toward its fulfillment. When you are clear about what you seek and why, you’ll gain access to the resources and the strategies that will enable you to achieve it.

Instead of suppressing your desires or placing judgments on them, make yourself more and more familiar with their substance. Put real meaning in your life by giving life and energy to the things that mean most to you.

– Ralph Marston

My thoughts:

I had to share this. This is so very well said. I believe in all of it wholeheartedly, have expressed this truth in a variety of ways through journal entries and creative messages. These are beliefs that I personally live and feel strongly moved by.

I think everyone should live by these beliefs of authenticity for each person can then discover their own truth, path and desires.

Not an easy road to take but it is liberating when you trust in the journey of this kind of exploration.

You begin to see YOU and with each new level of growth and confidence, living in delusional becomes less and less of an option.

I especially find the last paragraph quite potent. I think this is where most people feel the power of fear strongest.

How many of us shadowbox in ways that we are unaware of? We might find, in some cases, that some of the things that evoke the strongest negative reactions (hate, violence, judgment, disgust, resentment, fear and so on) in us might be things that hold some desire or curiosity….things that, if we can become bold enough to confront with the most brutal brand of self-objective honesty, might reveal some aspect of our true nature.

Why are we so afraid of that path to freedom?

Is there true freedom in darkness and delusion? What can we see if we truly become bare to ourselves? How might our lives, beliefs and convictions change? Our desires? Our purposes for living?

Sometimes those changes might compel us to make very difficult sacrifices. In some cases, this might be a long-invested career or even a marriage or long-term partnership. The person we become might not match up to commitments we’ve made in the past because those decisions were made in darkness…while we wore masks.

This is where some people might feel the need to hold on to delusion because it’s too painful to suddenly see so much change and “loss” even if it means we find/gain our true selves in the process.

This is hard for everyone.

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Current Mood: Indescribable & Introspective

Yesterday I was thinking of the subject of happiness. I wonder if sensitivity and happiness are directly related. I think so.

I am able to create moments of “happiness” where I take pleasure in the most simplest of things and where I make connections between the dissimilar. I can be very creative in my perspectives to where I am able to create my own worlds and wholly exist in them. But I admit that sometimes I can allow those worlds to become nightmares of some sort where sinister faces and scenes appear around every corner and sweet, pure and playful things aren’t exactly as wonderful as they seem. This happens if I let it because there are so many ways to perceive when you let in a variety of triggers (”changing agents” or perhaps “malevolent bottles of dyes”) and when invisible shape-shifter entities are seen only when they take on a specific form or identity.

Sometimes you find that those shape-shifters are many sly copies of yourself.

I just had a random thought. Looked outside of my window just now and saw a tall cluster of trees that has been there for as long as I can remember. Their branches and leaves are swaying in the windy atmosphere. I thought to myself, “These are someone’s veins.” I also began to think that sometimes a hyper-manifestation of details is very sickening…

Where is the blood? Is the blood air? Is the blood represented by any place water exists?

I recently got this vision of being in an eerily silent hallway full of doors on each side. The doors are semi-transparent to where I can see the movement of shadows behind them but no clarity. The end of the hallway shows a panel of two doors, also partially transparent, no knobs, with the out pour of muted bright light. I turn away from the end of the hallway as there is no way to open up the panel. Each time I look for a door handle, a shadowed body showing from behind the panel copies my movement.

I look around at the hallway doors and go to open up one door. I see giant legs and feet shuffling back and forth as I peer in. When I look up, the legs continue upwards forever with no connected body in sight. But they continue to fidget and as they do I can hear dancing sounds that mimic the effects of empty plastic bottles continually falling down on a surface.

I close the door and look across the hallway to approach another door. I can see thick and clear liquid oozing out of the seams of the doorway. The smell is slightly noxious but induces a euphoric feeling each time I deeply inhale and the pleasure makes me quickly envision fading scenarios of bundled shapes and patterns. I open the door and a huge eye is revealed. The eyeball bulges out of the doorway further, quivering and unable to blink while releasing more of that slimy thick clear liquid from the edges.

I feel this urge to punch the eye in the middle of the pupil. Once I do this, the eye pops like a balloon that has just received a sharp pin prick, and releases the sound of a woman’s coquettish laugh. The door closes and the knob disappears with the ting of a bell.

I decide to open another door but as I stand in front of it, something doesn’t feel right. I feel as if this is the wrong door to open…ever. I open the door anyway and a gigantic head of a penis pops through the entryway. The meatus is very large and stretchy and as I stare into its tunnel, I find myself immediately sucked into its passage.  As my body is enveloped by the opening, I feel waves of insane pleasure.

The penis passage appears to be another hallway, a fleshy and spongy hallway. I go further into the passage and with each step I hear the combined sounds of pops and erotic male moans at many pitches. The pitches deepen as I move toward the end of the tunnel. There is a throbbing, bulbous and round wad of veiny flesh at the end. A voice emanates from it and asks me if I know madness. The voice is incredibly low-pitched and threatening in delivery. I answer to it that I know madness and I hear a loud gasp. Before I know it, a long arm fronted with a big tightened fist comes through the flesh knob and punches me in the face to where both of my eyes are damaged. I throw my hands to my face and over my eyes in horror and in pain…and I can feel wetness and pieces of delicate tissue seep through the cracks of my fingers. My legs and feet shift back and forth as I try to bear the pain.

The voice continues to speak to me but I have no idea what it is saying. The language is obscure and like nothing I’ve ever heard before. The voice gets louder and I can feel the interior walls of the penis tightening around my body. They are closing in. I can’t move. My body is frozen in the position of tragic agony. The voice tells me to let go many times and “see”. I ignore it knowing that I can’t move or that I can no longer see due to the damage and mutilation to my eyes. But it continues to tell me to let go and see. I scream in frustration and horror and struggle to do something. Anything. The voice continues to pressure me into submission to its commands. The walls get so tight around my body that I feel I will explode open into a bloody and bony mess.

To my shock, another voice yells out my name and it sounds like my own voice as I strain to make sense of it at first. My voice is also telling me to let go and see. I scream out for help but I realize that this makes no sense. My voice from afar tells me that if I don’t let go and see, that I will die and find myself fragmenting into a million pieces, scattered around many worlds never feeling complete or whole no matter how hard I search and look. Each found piece will immediately unlock a new lost piece somewhere else thus continuing the hellish nightmare.

I fight to open my eyes and let go of the tight sensation that continues to envelop around my body. I find that I can begin to see something although my hands are in the same position. I find that I begin to feel free although the walls of the penile passage still tighten around me.

As this new vision comes into focus, I notice that I am in a blue warehouse room. A naked baby is sitting upright in the middle of the room staring at me with very wide doll-like eyes. The color of its eyes cannot be made out as they appear to constantly change in hue far too fast for perception to take hold of.

The baby hiccups and falls over and reveals a propped mirror behind it. I lean down to see what is in the reflection of the mirror. The reflection is of a large nude infant leaning over to peer unto itself. The eyes are alert, expressive and full of bewildered curiosity…

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Current Mood: Introspective & Motivated

What are you truly capable of doing? How far can you take your abilities, skills and intelligence?

This question made me think a bit earlier on what I like to call, “Mastery of Potential”. I’ve always been intensely fascinated by what you can get your mind to do and how far you can push it. I don’t think many people come anywhere close to seeing what they can truly get their minds to accomplish.

I coined th phrase, “Mastery of Potential” for myself several years ago. Mastery of potential is an act of expanding your mind’s abilities as far as possible in order to see what you can accomplish, thus discovering and mastering your true potential.

For short, i like to call this act “Mopping”. If someone wants to train themselves in this manner, then they desire “to MOP” or “mop”.

When “mopping” you would be exerting yourself to see and do the same things in as many ways as you can so that many areas of your brain can be developed and stretched.

Let’s take an artist as an example. A traditional artist who paints and draws.

This artist is a master in painting and illustrating urban/metropolitan scenes. He or she has become very adept at capturing the common denominator of the general feeling and look of big city environments. Keep in mind that what sets this artist apart from the average person in perception here is that the average person in a such a cityscape takes their surroundings for granted. If this average city person was shown a picture of a city scene, they’d be able to point out that the scene was indeed a typical metropolitan scene with typical city elements and usual city motifs, but they would not be able to reproduce this visual understanding in an art piece like the example expert artist could.
Now although this artist has become an expert in this facet of art, there are still MANY ways that he/she are able to creatively apply their intimate visual familiarity of city environments. Basically, there are a “millions” ways you can apply a knowledge in a given area… if you truly wanted to test yourself.

• The artist can look at fashions often on display in urban environments and be inspired to come up with fashions that take on a city vibe. The artist would start to pay attention to even more minute details in city environments which includes what people are wearing and how they wear it.
• The artist can look at the type of shapes, objects and colors that are typically thematic of a city and design sculpture, jewelry, furniture that takes on that likeness. This would get the artist to truly know the nature of how furniture is constructed, how forms are three dimensionally built with clay, metal or any other material and how accessories are stylized and created in a multitude of ways.
• The artist can come up with theme and plots for stories that are set in urban environments with unique situations, characterizations and conflicts that are totally based on urban living. This might inspire the artist to pay closer attention to events, conversations and actions that happen in a cityscape around him/her more than usual.
• The artist can begin to think in animated or motion visuals regarding big city settings. The artist starts to pay closer attention to the way things move and function rather than how they appear statically appear. This will get the artist to think in actions.
• The artist can think of making original recipes for foods and drink that capture the quintessence of living in a large city. The artist will start to become more aware of aromas, eateries and foods in many urban places. They will begin to seek out the details for this type of multifaceted sensation.

The artist in this case can use their intimate knowledge and familiarity of cityscapes, normally used in their drawings and paintings, and find many other ways to invent and perceive the -same- area or subject. Each time he/she stretches their mind into exploring other “faces” of the same complex mental diamond, the artist becomes more aware and intelligent; more of a dynamic and profound thinker and creator. They can then function VERY flexibly. They are now riding the path of “mastery of potential”.

Of course this is all theoretical. I mean it would take a LOT for someone to live in this fashion. Very -few- people could do it. It would be nonstop learning to the nth degree in the most intense and fully involved manner. You would also need discipline yourself, compel yourself to interact constantly in so many forms and could not be lazy.

You’d have to be fully motivated and highly active. Each person could do less or more than the other but I think most humans are capable of profound expression and expansion. Humans in general are capable of such amazing things and when I occasionally slip into an “alien view” of this truth, it’s absolutely astounding.

I then wonder why we are inclined this way as species and I go back to that ever-persistent question, “What is our purpose here as a species?”

I also wonder how we will evolve further over time and what evolution will bring and look like. How much further can we advance collectively on this planet? Where is this all leading to (if you believe that there is a higher purpose in all of this)?

Some might say survival but if that were the only drive, we wouldn’t really need to be where we are now regarding technological advancement and industrialization. There are many societies that still live in what we like to call “primitive” fashion and they do just fine surviving. In some cases, they might live less complex and confusing lives than many of us in “first nation” societies. But that’s just an argument, a supposition of sorts. Who knows really. But I do know we don’t need as MUCH as we tend to want and have in order to “just survive” if that’s one’s complete answer to my question.

Anyway, going back to “mastery of potential”, I’d love the idea of incorporating a bit of that into my life; learning how to see and do things in as many ways as I can…over time of course. I love relaxing too and just being, so I don’t feel this need to take it to the extreme and neglect the experience of simple relating and having fun, although I value the idea of “mopping”.

In some ways I already ride that wave, but I know I would upgrade my surfboard as well as the waters I choose to surf in if I wanted to. One of my goals is to do just that this year.

Some people might be confused as to HOW to mop. To start, look at something that you think you can do fairly to really well.

Are you an accountant who is good with numbers? If so, how might you apply your skill with numbers in other ways? How about inventing a new equation, using numbers to come up with an innovation financing system for banking and doing taxes, using numbers to learn how to speed add/multiply/subtract/divide big chains of numbers in short time periods, use numbers to come up with a fascinating board game or story or use numbers to invent a personal language? You can do MANY things with your intelligence with numbers and numbers relations. Think about it.

If you are a house painter, start painting pictures, begin creating your own paints and dyes by studying how paints are made, read about the history of paints, use a completely different type of paint for house painting that might just as well or better, come up with a super paint that has winning features, use unorthodox materials for a type of “paint”, begin painting with odd objects to see how the painting process can be altered for a new experience or move on to painting other objects other than houses to see how well you do in those areas and how you might see the process differently in those areas.

Mopping can also take you into entirely new areas of ability and make you aware of how related seemingly unrelated subjects or activities are by discovering new connections between things. If you sing, how might you use your singing to inspire writing? If you act, how might you use your acting skills to design clothes or even create sketches for indoor interiors that personify unique “personalities”?

What can YOU do? What does your true potential look like? How many ways can you get your brain to learn and expand?

Try “mopping” and see what happens. See how you develop and discover more about you. The possibilities are endless.

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Current Mood: Curious

A friend of mine made a comment on Facebook through her “25 Random Things” post. She mentioned something that definitely made a strong impression and that I fully agree with. It’s a great comment for reflection:

“The older I get, the more I realize that there are many paths to
happiness and a million different ways to live a life. I think
sometimes we fear those who make different choices because we need to
believe that WE have made the RIGHT choices. I think we all do the best
with what we have.” - Penny McNatt-Devine

It makes you wonder why so many people are almost <b>violently</b> opposed or dismayed when it comes to expressing or having an opinion on the way other people live. They feel like the way they live their lives is the way others should. It’s almost like they need a sense of validation for how they’ve chosen to live because it would only make sense if others chose to make the same commitments and decisions…or even believed the same things.

I think some people can become so used to living in one way that their identity, the only one they know of themselves, becomes dependent on that. If choices and life changes, then the way they recognize themselves changes too and that might be scary because then that would make them feel like they’ve failed…that they were wrong just when they thought they had life figured out or that they have no clue on how to function in the future now that everything has fallen out of familiarity.

We can apply this to so many examples…especially the ones involving religious, political, homophobic and racial fanatics…to name a few.

I do feel a lot of the grandstanding in this context comes from people being dissatisfied with how they live or not wanting to be challenged to reconsider or evaluate their own life choices and beliefs. We all, either at some point or to some degree, wanted/want the security of knowing that we were/are making the right decisions or that the way we see things is the “correct” way. So we look for ways that we can validate that…validate ourselves.

I also don’t think people are always aware of the ways in which they seek validation. It might be hard to notice or we might think that whatever we do in a given context is based on authentic convictions or beliefs…when it’s all a metaphor for something deeper that we seek or feel that is missing. If anyone here has read T. C. Boyle’s “Carnal Knowledge”…this is a perfect example.

This is why I have an interest in occasionally taking a deep look at the things I feel strongly about. Are they really true passions? Are they really things that I feel truly represent me? Are they really things that I want to do in life or beliefs that I want to live by? Are certain disciplines or restrictions that I place on myself necessary or meaningful? What would my life be like if I didn’t let some fears dictate how it was lived? What can i do to live more in courage rather than fear? Why do I feel so tied to certain aspects of my identity?

I ask myself questions like that often. It’s not always a comfortable process…but I’d rather ask these questions than not. I don’t think I’ll be able to answer them all in <i>total theory</i>. To answer some more substantially, I will have to gain more experiences in life and let resulting knowledge guide me in seeing further. I think I will have to continue being willing to “dance with chaos” and find a acceptance in that, knowing that change is the only constant thing.

I also think, as the quote implies, that we never ask ourselves if we could be happy living life in more than one way. We often feel that is the one golden path to happiness or whatever happiness means to us. We are often too scared or fearful to find out what other paths could provide for us. Sometimes we are forced to see another way of living due to circumstances or unexpected events. Not everyone does well in that event…some people continue to try to hold on to their old way of seeing and doing things because that’s all they know and that’s what they’ve based security and identity on.

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Current Mood: Motivated & Thoughtful

What would you do if you came across a bright red beautifully wrapped box along a path not far from your house?

Would you pass it up? Do you dare inspect the package a bit and wonder about its contents and its purpose for being there? Would you eagerly open the box with a sharp jolt of curiosity?

If you were to open the box, what would you find? Take some time to truly imagine and revel in what you conjure up.

I think it’s very intriguing to be on the receiving or witnessing end of such a scenario, but I also think it’s a brilliant feeling to know that you are the one who creates this mysterious and peculiar would-be experience for others.

I have fancied the idea of creating an elaborate map that illustrates how to discover the whereabouts of a fascinating gift of some kind. This idea was inspired by watching a segment of the animated film, Wubbzy’s Big Movie, which is based on the animated children’s series on Nick Jr. entitled, Wow! Wow! Wubbzy.

In that segment of the film, Wubbzy notices that a folded piece of paper falls from within the book he is holding in a library. This also catches the attention of his best friends Walden and Widget. Wubbzy then sees that the folded piece of paper is actually a map with a big x on it and claims that it is a pirate’s map showing the location of hidden treasure.  Although his friends are skeptical and tell Wubbzy that pirates and hidden treasure no longer exist, Wubbzy tells his friends that they must go on an adventure to locate the treasure of this map. He tells them that they must believe.

They soon set sail on a an old boat that Widget managed to repair with her usual crafty skills and they come across a number of wacky perils that they eventually find creative ways to get themselves out of.  Each time Wubbzy and his friends come across danger, he continues to tell them to believe in the map and treasure.  Just when they are about to give up and Wubbzy begins to feel that his friends might be right about there not being any treasure, on their way back to the ship, they all look up and spot a big house on a mountaintop shaped like an x.  Wubbzy points and exclaims in excitement that this must be the treasure that they’ve been searching for and that he was right all along about believing.

Soon a pirate, with a love for sweets and missing front teeth, shows up and tells them that they’ve indeed come across the treasure. He tells them that he left the map, that true reward was in the adventure of following the map and that he’d like to not only offer them each candy, but that he wants them to place the map back where it was so that others can stumble upon it by chance and also experience the same kind of journey.

Although this animated film and its series is intended for children, I find the cartoon very inspiring and entertaining and watching made me think of doing something similar in the near future. I’d love to create a unique handmade gift of some sort or even design something as simple as a beautiful message, place it in a well-hidden, alluring and attention-grabbing box and leave it someplace that can be discovered through the directions of an also discreetly-placed illustrative map that I’d make from scratch.

I guess the question is: How would one ever know that someone else discovered the map and gift?

The answer is you can’t really be sure what happens or if someone will ever find it in the way intended to be found, but it still feels great to be able to do something like this and at least create the possibility of someone coming across surprise and being delighted by it. If you come back to check on the map and gift and it’s gone, you can always imagine that someone did indeed fulfill that mission.

If we look back at history’s sentimental yarns and epic fantastic tales, we’ll remember some stories which tell of someone coming across a message in a bottle on a remote or long-forgotten seashore. The plot might not always involve epic adventure or even candied merriment. Perhaps it involves a story of grief, forlorn hope and unfulfilled longings.

In any event, people are fascinated by the unknown; of being part of a discovery or a mystery. I think in this vessel of fascination, we can actively and creatively find a way to become purveyors of joy-making; to inspire other people to live more adventurously rather than in fear.

I can understand that the world has come to be a more cynical, jaded and suspicious place where we fear for our safety. We look upon strange and unexpected persons, events, objects with apprehension and concern, assuming that the intent is for us to be harmed rather than be enchanted. We assume that our destiny is to be underhandedly destroyed rather than to be truly charmed. That’s understandable when we take a cold, desolate and ultra sober look at the dark side of humanity. But perhaps that’s the heart of the problem. We forget about the beauty of humanity and what we can do in our daily lives to become examples of that.

The world needs more magic and imagination where society becomes art and art becomes society.  Creating secret maps, concocting surprise messages and scattering sacred awesome gifts is a great way to spread a little of that magic.

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Current Mood: Motivated

Historically the muses are typically regarded as nine young goddesses of inspiration who personify and embody the arts, poetry and sciences. They were entities of song and grace that inspired people to exert their best efforts and live to their fullest potential. Additionally, they engendered harmony, prosperity and friendships.

What would it mean to become a muse in today’s time? Do you have a desire to become a muse of any sort? If so, what kind of muse would you be? How do you normally find yourself inspiring others? How do you purposefully like to inspire others? My belief is that both men and women can be muses, muses can be of any age and muses can possess a number of visual impressions. The stereotype is that muses look like flawless beauties. I think instead muses possess a unique beauty of spirit; a brand of individuality that is magnetic. This might make an impression upon his/her looks or it might at first not be so aesthetically obvious but would be something that people FEEL when they come into contact with him/her.

When I mention a modern day muse, I very much mean in a real sense. Not paranormally. I also think there are muse qualities in all of us, but my focus is more in being a muse in awareness…in a way that is organically asserted and confidently activated.

I’ve thought about this for some time, but I’d like to consider myself a muse of sorts and I’d like to be more confidently and actively. I think in asserting yourself this way, you as the muse realize, that by natural rule, living as a muse incites more passionate living.

Unbridled passionate living.

I also think a modern day muse feeds off of inspiration in many ways too. They don’t just inspire others. Inspiration becomes a fuel of sorts, in both directions. So when a muse ceases to find inspiration and to create or embody it in some manner, the muse identity “dies”.

I’ve exercised my muse powers through Meetup.com recently. I started a group for exercise and fitness which targets women who are curvy, plus-sized and/or plump. I speak to an audience of women who are happy about and find beauty in being thicker and rubenesque in stature but would like to tone up and participate in regular exercise activity so that our fitness levels are heightened as curvy women. Our goal is not to be thin but to be healthy. This inspires a great many of women to redefine beauty for themselves and to see their own loveliness through and through.

Mingling with others, sending messages and speaking up is important in cultivating muse power and spirit. Again the aim of a muse is to live passionately, embrace living and embody inspiration.

How do you wish to do this? It can be done in so many ways:

• Join or start a new group based on unique interests, desires and goals
• Cultivate your own sense of style or bring it out again in full vigor
• Explore new ideas and thoughts; challenge old ones
• Define why you are beautiful in your own way apart from what society dictates and begin living in this newfound sense of pride
• Champion a new or long-abandoned cause
• Find a way to help someone realize their potential, their dreams or their value
• Do something new and different each day
• Read, listen to and see curious books, music and film respectively
• Try a brand new cuisine
• Research different lifestyles and viewpoints
• Do something you’ve always done the same in a completely new way
• Strike up a conversation with a random stranger and ask them thoughtful questions
• Find ways you can make society better, more rewarding and interesting
• Invent something or improve upon an old convention

Be more hands on:

We are a society that is very much out of touch with our instincts. We don’t have to use and sharpen then. We live in an automated, highly technical and ever-increasing digital world. I don’t put down modern and technical conventions as they have their own appealing qualities, I just think we are greatly handicapped by them through our own ignorance and lack of exploration and awareness.

So how can we really be muses of anything?

How can we really appreciate anything?

How can we really understand and FEEL?

I think it’s important to keep old traditions alive because make US feel alive. Our senses remain sharp, aware and functioning. Never at a loss. Never dull.

Rather than go out to eat or buy microwave food, cook sometimes from SCRATCH or learn how to for a particular recipe. The meal will be that much more appreciated. I would even say growing one’s own vegetables and fruits gives a different sense of appreciation too. I wonder how many people would consume as much meat as they did if they had to hunt and prepare it themselves.

Rather than typing a letter why not write one. A LONG one…and do it often. Why not a short story or *gasp* a novel?

Instead of drawing something on the computer, why not get the paints, charcoals, pastels, markers, pens or conte out to draw? G further and maybe create and stretch your own canvas, make your own brushes, make and mix your own paints just to see what it feels like? Use natural objects as brushes such as twigs, leaves, flower petals, and hands.

Why not learn how to play an instrument or take some voice lessons for fun to get a different appreciation for music and singing? Even just reading about the history of music can change one’s perspective.

Rather than renting a movie for a particular title, why not go read the book?
Rather than seeing a movie, why not go see a theatre production with live actors and music?

Rather than reading about a particular culture, country or city, why not plan a trip someday to visit that region to get a real sense of the area? Learn the language?

Why not look up some craft projects and get busy with them and get your hands dirty? Try to make an article of clothing for yourself, a piece of jewelry, your own sculpture or piece of dish ware or a bath and beauty accessory (creams, lotions, soap, shampoo, perfume)? Include stuff like making your own butter, cheese, wine, spread, jam, jelly or oil?

You get the picture. I love stuff like this. It is important to hone desires for these things and to find ways to incorporate these types of activities and a quality of curiosity into your daily living. Make them a part of your life; necessary, natural and therapeutic rituals to fully activate your muse power and spirit.

Upon further thought, embracing yourself as a muse also inspires more love and appreciation for self. You really start to admire your own brand of beauty in and out and acknowledge how valuable it is in its own right…what it can do, what it means and how it can inspire and compel many.

So my recommendation is to begin embracing yourself as a muse, in the ways it best unleashes and suits the true you regardless of age, gender, sexuality, appearance and so on.

No need to wait.

Begin now. See and explore your beauty in all its glory and OWN and USE it.

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Current Mood: Introspective

Introspective thoughts that come to mind from ponderings of a pool of articles, conversations and forums…

I sometimes wonder how many people can truly commit to a monogamous relationship…not because they will cheat or because they don’t put in effort, but because along with those issues, you simply have the reality of every individual evolving over the course of a lifetime. As two people evolve, compatibility must endure with these transformations. A couple who has been happily married for 20 or more years must have been able to grow in similar directions and with similar energies. What a feat.

However, you often find that most people just do not make it to that many years of marriage…in quality that is. This can be so for many different reasons, but one of those reasons is because at first…hell maybe even during the first 6-8 years of that relationship, the couple shares a similar walking path which is essentially a package of things including mutual interests and desires, but after those years have passed, one or both people might evolve in such a way that it shifts the balance out of that relationship. The things that were valued or shared at first either no longer apply or don’t apply as much so that causes a change in that connection and that might lead to a divorce of “irreconcilable differences” as it is often formally put.

Just what does that mean when people list that as a reason for divorcing? I would assume it means as I previously described, but perhaps I am being too formulaic about the supposition. Who knows?

I’ve been reading a few discussions forums lately and I’ve been talking to a few people who have been sharing their relationship or dating woes, conflicts and rantings. One thing that was told to me was that in this day and age, so many people just do not know how to date or what to expect from others for courtship…that it’s a confusing time where so many feel lost and feel they are destined to be happily “unpartnered” for the rest of their lives.

Is this so because now many in this society have too many choices of what they can do with their lives whereas before we followed stricter rules about what was expected during courtship and within a committed relationship? Are we spoiled and overexposed to too many things?

If so is that a bad or good thing? If it’s bad, the devil’s advocate question would be, “How do people really discover the core of themselves without having a wealth of experience and options? Who are they really and how can they develop this sense of self and awareness over time?” Why define yourself through a list of indefinables or rather limitations/unfulfilled desires (but then when do we ever stop desiring which begs the question of monogamy)?

If this is a good thing, I guess you already drank the cocktail provided by those questions and fall more in line with the implied reasoning…which is go with experience and constantly seek, evolve and realize…never committing, never settling and never staying contained in any manner or form.

I guess this is a scary and odd existence for so many…to be so far out there in this world full of options and the ability to establish freedom of being (supposedly). Those who are single long for what attached people have and those who are attached are wishing for some aspects of single life or single life period. Everyone is doing the splits. Each side wants something the other has and no one can find a damned way to exist harmoniously. Some have…more so as single people than attached I would guess. But then again it is MY guess because I am thinking there are far more single people out there than long-term committed and especially married.

Life…the ultimate game…you can make your own rules or follow someone else’s set but do you ever really know how to play?

Late night mental ramblings of course put into the form of word…indeed this is.

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