Current Mood: Curious & Introspective
…and no, I don’t mean one of those “housewives” on the reality TV series on Bravo.
I mean a real housewife.
For those who aren’t housewives, have you ever wanted to be a housewife? What’s your perception of a housewife?
To me a housewife is someone who takes care of the home and her partner. She establishes and tends to household chores, plans events and outings, helps establish a fiscal budget, looks after the children (if there are any), cooks and prepares meals, and keeps herself educated, resourceful, and involved in cultivating a home both in a literal sense and in spirit.
I’ve thought about it, actually. I think according to what I perceive a housewife to traditionally be and function as, I’d make a good housewife. I have a strong nurturing instinct and I love doing creative, crafty, and culinary things around the house. I see myself as an every-learning, DIY naturopath as well. I enjoy learning overall, and that’s a great trait for homesteading and nurturing. I bring a lot to that table, for the sake or argument.
I’m good at planning stuff and coming up with tons of ideas, and I’m naturally supportive and very involved in a partnership.
However, I have also wondered if I’d be fulfilled living my life as a housewife.
My maternal grandmother was one and I’ve heard that she was wonderful at it. She could sew and make clothes that looked like they were bought out of any quality store, cook and bake like a seasoned chef, knew tons of different arts and crafts, could sing and play the piano gracefully, and she loved tending to her house with husband and seven children.
They owned a farm and raised lots of animals and grew many fruits and vegetables on their land, so canning, pickling, and the like were common traditions. She also made her own soaps and lotions.
My grandmoher was definitely a pioneer woman of her time and I look fondly at that and who she was, although I never got a chance to know her, as she died before I was born. But her legacy lives on in the memory of the rest of my family when they speak of her and what she was like.
I know there are some housewives who run home businesses and make somewhat of a living, to add to the total income pool and their own separate accounts (I think that’s a good thing to do), but then I still wonder if that would be something I’d like.
I guess I still struggle to know what I want in some areas of my life I can surprise myself, sometimes. I want a fulfilling career, but then I sometimes find myself, oddly enough, thinking about this sort of housewife path and wondering what it would be like. I admire women like my grandmother too, just as much as I do women who are successful at careers outside the home. Although unusual for me to consider “housewivery,” I figure there must be a reason for my thoughts occasionally floating into such an arena.
I also think that if a woman is a housewife, she needs to have a very emotionally mature and assertive man as a husband who respects the role she plays in their relationship/marriage…and respects her. He’d need to see her as part of a team, an equal but distinctive part. A complement.
They both would.
This requires a lot of trust and mutual vulnerability on both parts, especially the woman’s. She plays a vital role but in other ways there’s a lot to lose if the man can’t be trusted and has no integrity.
There are too many men who get off on ego-trips and use situations like this to dominate women and maintain control, simply because they make the money. That would be nightmarish to be stuck in a situation like that with such a toxic person.
I also think some men have no clue of what it means to have a housewife as a partner. They have very lurid and distorted views on what she should do and sometimes those expectations and ideas are demeaning and sexist rather than healthy, complementary, respectful, and appreciative.
Maybe some people never thought housewives were meant to be respected. I don’t know.
Here’s a link I found on guidelines to being a housewife, perhaps it will help to give some idea to what a housewife tends to generally do. According to this link, housewives do a LOT. In fact, it looks like they are responsible for the bulk of responsibilities and chores outside of making the money. There’s a lot to attend to in such a list. Some people assume housewives just sit up and attend tea parties all day long and shop.
I think I’d refer to that kind of wife as a “kept” wife (one who just spends money, shops and doesn’t do much homesteading), but not a housewife. I would say there’s a difference between those two roles. Well, that’s the way I see it.
Do you think today less men are desirous of housewives as mates?
Hmmm…not sure. I guess I would say that nowadays less men are for a few reasons. I think because more women are making their own money and the dynamics have changed with more women entering into workplaces outside the home, the standards and expectations have changed between the sexes.
While it’s become more accepting and supportive of women choosing a variety of careers outside of being a home caretaker (which is good as women should have that choice), I think that women who still choose to be housewives today might get lumped into negative perceptions.
I admit that when I was younger, I had negative views, too. They were naive and ignorant. I assumed that women who stayed home and took care of the house and kids (if there were any) were letting men control them and could do nothing else (such as being career women). Now that might be the case in some setups like this, but certainly not all and I foolishly believed more in that idea as a rule, rather than exception.
But now I totally think differently.
I also think men aren’t making as much money these days to take care of two or more people.
Double Income No Kids (DINK) relationships are seen as desirable today, in fact, in some circles, they’re ideal. People find that with their partners working, too, they can make twice as much money together, enjoy more of the income, and have less responsibility spending it mostly on kids.
Some men actually start to resent and lose respect for their wives if they desire to be housewives, because they hate feeling like they’re the only ones who should work in today’s more challenging and higher-cost-of-living economy, even if the woman pulls her weight in other ways that contribute to the relationship (living together). People are too scared to let the money-earning be left to one person in case something happens (loss of job, divorce, affair, death).
I don’t think a lot women and men today know what it is like to have that kind of relationship where the woman is a homesteader and the man works for a living for the most part. Misconceptions, changed society and economy, different gender politics, and the like, have made things very different in this regard. Plus, divorce rates have increased a great deal…
I think the idea of a home and a family unit has to be healthy and holistic in order to make such a partnership thrive. I am not so confident that in today’s times, people have healthy views of home, community, and family anymore. There’s too much dysfunction.
It is important for a woman to be more attractive than average, as an asset to bring to the table, if she’s looking to get into a partnership that respects her choice to be a housewife?
I think people confuse being a kept wife (a trophy wife) with being a housewife. Housewives CAN also be trophy wives, but trophy wives aren’t synonymous with housewives.
As a result of this confusion, both men and women feel that if a woman is not going to work outside the home, then she better be something mighty special to claim that role and that often means being exceptionally attractive.
Again with many men having no clue as to what housewives are, they feel that housewives are there to do their bidding and to simply look good. The women are treated as assets rather than equals in a partnership, so this comes down to sexual lifestyle agreements in exchange for good living that the man can provide for the woman. I would say looks matter more so than ever in this sort of relationship.
I will say though, that if a man and woman even agree to this sort of relationship where the woman is “kept” and plays more of a “trophy status” and the man is the provider, and it works for them, then so be it.
If they can both respect and accept that arrangement, then who am I to judge?
These are just my views and opinions. I am sure there are some that might agree or disagree.
As a man, would you want your wife to be a housewife?
For those who are housewives, what is your life like and do you feel being a housewife is fulfilling?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!